im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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