I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
