would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
Be still, my beating vagina.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize