paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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