Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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