omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Randomize
