Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
