we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
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