How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
