i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
