He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
he had hair everywhere except his balls
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
