Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
Randomize
