haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
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