Betty ford says i'm here all night
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
I touched a dick in church today
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
