Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
Randomize
