hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
