you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
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