found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Randomize