found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
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