today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
