my mouth tastes like poor choices
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Randomize
