Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
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