If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
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