we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize