We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
Randomize
