People with herpes should wear stickers.
meet me or not, i'm out of control
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
