Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
Randomize
