batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Randomize
