It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
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