I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
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