The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
When did we convert life to cartoon?
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
