he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
