my phone needs a breathalizer
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
