Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
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