your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
Randomize
