So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
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