Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize