She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
I seem to have left my pride at pride
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
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