Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
His hands were made for my vagina.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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