hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
how do flat chested girls get laid?
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize