i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
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