How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
