I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
Randomize
