I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
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