wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
What drink are we having for lunch?
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Randomize
