he wants to bone in the snuggie
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Randomize
