shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
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