Someone shit on the floor
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
Randomize
