my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
Randomize
