end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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