you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
