I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
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