we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
Randomize
