Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
