I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
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