Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
she smelled like a LAN party
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
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