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Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
What a dumb baby whore.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
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