She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
someone owes me an orgasm
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
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