Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
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