My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Randomize
