did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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