Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
I enjoy the company of your penis
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
