I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
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