I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Randomize
