Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Randomize
