i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
