nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
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