Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
