The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
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