Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
You're like the curious george of whores
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
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