I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
i believe in u and ur pee
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Randomize