Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
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